Harry Potter and the New Outlook on Life
by princessella55
Summary: Harry, much more cynical and worn from 5th year, wants to be heard without discrimination. He wants to learn how to deal with Voldemort on his own, being the best that he can be without conforming society's mold for him. Enter the writer, James Evans.


Do Not own Harry Potter.

And thus it came to me, an epiphany. So magnificent, so terrible in its greatness, that I now wonder if I had been blind not to see it before me this entire time! I look back on my actions and laugh. It took me so long to realize that, in reality, I was merely a pawn in a well-played game. Well, that is going to change. Soon, I will be the one watching the game – controlling it. Mercury was blessed with the gift of intellect and speed. I have both, that I know. It is just that it is about time I put the gifts of Mercury that I possess to good use…

Dear Diary,

My name is Harry Potter. I am fifteen going on sixteen. The only control I have in my life is imaginary. My destiny was decided when I was one and a half. Sirius death has made me realize that I should not live the rest of my life as a prisoner in my own house. Being a prisoner in his own house killed him more than the spell that pushed him into the veil. Here I am sitting, watching paint dry. The behavior of the Dursley's never ceased to amaze me. They had repainted the entire house, than gone out to wait for the paint to dry. They left me, never mind the fumes, and the brain damage this could do to me. They were being more civil to me than usual, not that it would take much. Vernon and Dudley have barely said a word to me all summer long. Petunia only mentioned directions to do my chores, gave me a few snacks, and asked only a few times if I was feeling alright. Of course, I answered that I am fine. She didn't look as if she believed me, but she shrugged, and looked to come to the conclusion that she really shouldn't care. I am sitting on a chair by an open window, attempting to breathe in fresh air. My room was to clean, because I have nothing better to do with my time.

Being bored has led me to do my homework, and beyond that. I asked for books after seeing how far my education has been lacking so far. Imagine my surprise when I found out that I could retest on my OWLs, of course no one had informed me of this. I had to schedule it myself, the order didn't find out about it until I was portkeyed away, which I had to arrange in secret. Now that I have studied, and have been caught up in certain subjects I feel that I did good on the OWLs. I have also not gone far from number 4 Private Drive, not because I didn't want to, it is because I want to be alone to think. The only way I can be left alone to think is by staying in my room. Hedwig was out, delivering the letter to the Order. Every single letter I have received back consisted completely of questions on my health, and well-being, they they'd come to get me soon, and that Sirius' death was not my fault. I, according to them, needed to move on. 'It was what Sirius would want, they claimed, and it isn't your fault. Accept it.' I would have loved to say it was a repeat of how they treated him after fourth year, but they hadn't even bothered to contact me at that time, just leaving me alone to stew and fume. Ironic that when I needed my friends, and family to write to me they didn't, and when I don't want it they can't stop writing me. Oh, I have accepted it, alright. It is myfault, and I have no problem taking full responsibility for it. If I had done things differently, without a doubt there would not be so much of a mess. It was because of me that Voldemort managed to manipulate me, and I led my friends into a veritable death trap, a death trap that closed and caught my godfather, the closest thing to a parental figure I had in my sorry life.

Lately, I have been reading newspapers to see what Voldemort is doing. No one was telling me anything, so the only way I can find out anything that is going on is by doing it myself. The wizarding world was now up in arms since the announcement that Voldemort had returned was confirmed by that ever-pathetic excuse for a government, the Ministry of Magic, under the leadership of the ever-idiotic Cornelius Fudge. Accounts of terror and loss were featured almost everyday in the Daily Prophet, usually side by side with articles that proclaimed support of the ministry and what a 'fantastic job' they were doing to contain the threat. When I saw this for myself with my own eyes, I had to really gets me though is how the media completely turned around their descriptions, and epithets for me. For nearly an entire year, I was 'disturbed and dangerous' as well as a 'delusional, attention-seeking delinquent'. Then, once I was proven right, I am seen as a lone voice against dissenters, trying to inform the public of what was a serious concern. Yes, in their eyes, I am a hero again. In my opinion, the best part of the paper is opinion part. Imagine getting paid for giving your opinion on what you feel. It would be nice to have people listening to my opinion for once. I used to want to be an auror when I grew up, but now that idea just disgusts me. Imagine having to follow Fudge's orders. Now the idea of writing my opinions in having people respect them on their own merit interests me. I have already thought of an article I could write. Why wait to I am a grown up when I can just as easily do it now. But I also had to admit that I have also changed in other ways.

Yes, I admit that I have changed. Now I am at a more modest height of five foot, seven, and a half. I have finally hit my growth spurt fully, and I am around the same height as my peers, my black hair I still as messy, and untamed as ever. Vivid green eyes, so much like the color of the curse that gave me this famous scar, were contemplative, and thoughtful, the loss of innocence within those emerald depths evident in their coolness. Though, I still hold a thin, and scrawny frame, what muscles I have weren't bulky, or large. I wasn't too upset over this, since it would be advantageous to my Seeker position of the Quidditch team. _If I ever play again, _was a thought that came unbidden to my mind. I could only wish the worst for one Dolores Umbridge in her life. I am no longer a child, if I was ever one to begin with, and I have certainly experienced trauma before. But the death of Sirius had hit home directly. The emptiness I feel is nearly all consuming in its black oblivion. I am however, determined not to be dragged down by it, by the taunts that came daily from the foe that invaded my mind nightly. Sure, I should tell the Order of the Phoenix, but I feel no need to. Voldemort has gotten no information from my mind due to the practice I have put into strengthening my mind (on my own, since Severus Snape would never ,and never could be a good teacher to begin with). I have gained a bit of access into the monstrosity's mind himself, helping myself to the knowledge while keeping my identity separate, fast, and unnoticed. As a result, I now have quite a bit more knowledgeable as to how the enemy works, as well as in spells and curses. I have played around with the thought of sending the Dark Lord a nice thank-you card, complete with one of Aunt Petunia's 'lovely' strawberry strudel, but despite the joy that would have brought, it wouldn't pose to well with those incessant people that watched over me.

Just because I am the bloody Boy-Who-Lived, meant that I am just a figurehead, a symbol. Never mind what my opinion is, let's just get a picture and autograph! Smile, Harry! Now, let's put in the papers that I am insane or dating so-and-so! I want to be heard, and be influential in the way I am supposed to be. To be taken seriously, not like some inexperienced idiotic child, have some complete and total influence himself over his life and fate for once! Destiny was against him. It doesn't seem as if that is possible.

As for the moment, the only person I can adequately say is listening to me is one of my best friends, Hermione Granger. Unlike the others, most notably my other friend Ron Weasley, she told me on no account that she values what I write, she even read, and responded to it with her own opinions. She treats me as an equal, something I appreciate greatly. She was the one that told me pointblank that I am not going to be removed from the Dursleys this summer, after I had raved to her about hints that Ron kept dropping arrogantly in his letters, and Remus' half-hearted attempts to change the subjects in his messages. I don't understand Ron's behavior, really, but Hermione seemed to come up with an explanation for it, giving it to him in her last letter.

…_He seems to have gotten a great deal more arrogant lately, Harry. The battle in the Department of Mysteries seems to have persuaded other members of the Order to train him in dueling and magic. They even got him a waiver from the Ministry, if you can believe it! I think they hope that Ron could serve as a type of bodyguard to you or something. I don't know, but he's doing well. I guess. I've been finding it hard to stay in the same room as him anymore, with him going on how far he's gotten. There was even a time when he mentioned that he was probably better than you are! Honestly…_

Ron's letters constantly told me of his progress – practically throwing it in my face – supported Hermione's theory. Most of the time now, I just write back vague letters of congratulations, and rather mundane, boring content. I had been happy for my friend in the beginning, but now it was getting just plain annoying. I know my friend was probably just reveling in the attention he was getting, seeing that the redhead was nearly always overshadowed by someone, whether they are the reputations of his five older brothers, Hermione's intellect, or my notoriety, and infamy. Though if continued on like that, I am definitely considering measures.

The OWL results were reported to me just a few days ago. It was the first time only one owl had come to me on my birthday. I was later told that I would be getting my birthday presents later, after receiving my schoolbooks for the next year delivered to me. It looked as if I wasn't even going to venture into Diagon Alley this year.

**Dear Mr. Potter:**

**We congratulate you on your acceptable score on the standardized OWL exams. You have proven yourself to be quite the acceptable student, according to these grades. As you probably don't know (since it is advised that the professors do not mention this), OWL exams grades are based not only on standard points of knowledge, but as well as on a curve. Because of such high grades that you have received as well as the extra credit that you have shown during your Defense against the Dark Arts OWL, you will be accepted into the Advanced NEWT level classes.**

**Congratulations, Mr. Potter.**

**Sincerely,**

**Jemima Garamond.**

**OWL RESULTS  
**_Name: _Harry Potter  
_School: _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Ministry  
_House: _Gryffindor

**TRANSFIGURATION: O  
**Written: E  
Practical: E  
**CHARMS: O  
**Written: E  
Practical: E/O  
**HERBOLOGY**:** O**  
Written: E  
Practical: E  
**POTIONS: O**  
Written: E  
Practical: E  
**ASTRONOMY: O  
**Written: E  
Practical: E  
**HISTORY OF MAGIC: O  
**Written:O  
**DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS: (see first note below)  
**Written: O  
Practical: O  
**DIVINIATION: A  
**Written: A  
Practical: P  
**CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES:** **O  
**Written: O  
Practical: O  
- Student earned extra credit.

NUMBER OF OWLS EARNED: 14

**Next Year's Classes:**

1. _Advanced NEWT Transfiguration  
_2. _Advanced NEWT Charms  
_3. _Advanced NEWT Herbology  
_4. _Advanced NEWT Potions  
_5. _Advanced NEWT Defense Against the Dark Arts  
_6. _Advanced NEWT Care of Magical Creatures  
_7. _Advanced NEWT History of Magic  
_8. _NEWT Divination  
_9. _NEWT Astronomy_

**If the Student wishes to drop any classes he or she feels is unnecessary to their desired career, they should speak with their Head of House.**

Surprised? I certainly am. Though it is a pity that I have absolutely no actual adult figure of my own to tell the news to. Sure, the Weasleys would be happy, and gush over the news, but they weren't my _real_ family. It wasn't as if the Dursleys were suddenly going to throw a party for me. And Remus was just too…distant, really. One thing that I am certain of was this: someone must have either threatened Snape to let me into Advanced NEWT Potions. Or had gotten him drunk. Now there was an interesting thought…what was a drunk Snape like? What if he were a "happy" drunk, that let loose once the alcohol was flowing in their systems? That'd be hilarious to see. Severus Snape, drunken party animal. Either way, I am never heard. And have no way of voicing out my opinions, or views without prejudice.

Unbidden, my eyes strayed to the abandoned Daily Prophet lying on the floor. It looked innocent enough, and I had seen the page on the opinion columnists about ten times already (the new editor seemed to be anti-Fudge, judging from the editorial before)…and the little box in the corner…asking for writers…Next to it on the floor was one of Vernon's muggle newspapers that I had taken to see the Muggle perspective on all that has been going on. Once more, they were asking for writers. I will take care of that a bit later. Standing up abruptly, I walked over to my desk, and began to hastily write on a fresh piece of parchment that was lying on the side.

The next day that followed would be revolutionary. Everyone who read the Daily Prophet was simultaneously shocked, but couldn't resist the call of the straightforward words written on the page. The word was quickly spreading about this new writer. The Daily Prophet had flown off the shelves by the mid-day lunch hour, everyone absorbing, discussing, amazed. The same went for those Muggles that read the London Times. Who was this person? Who wrote this, so simple and thought out, yet deep and far-reaching? Like their wizard counterparts, they too began to debate on the topic this author wrote. Everyone had an opinion on it.

**New Outlook on Life**

**By James Evans**

I am a teenager yet I already know the true secret of life that any control of my life is imaginary. My Destiny was decided a long time along time ago when I was little by events outside of my control. Of course so have you no matter the events. Since you were little your parents and teachers have decided what you can, and cannot do. Also they have a big part in what you learn because they decide on classes, or they do not teach in a effective way for you to learn. They have the best of intentions in most cases, but that does not mean that it will turn out good for you when there is no one to oversee these choices they could cause you permanent harm. Sometimes the person with the best intentions causes the most harm. I have been told your suppose to turn the other cheek but I never understood why they let the situation stay the same, or with violence when you could use your brains, and find a way out of situation, or around it without the other person realizing it until it is too late. Also why should I be the only one to turn cheeks when no one I know does it, and it is even used against me, and it only seems to do me more damage. Why should I stay passive when I was given a brain to use? Anyway it seems to be the only way to get control back of your life why should you continue to take classes, or anything else you hate, or don't want to take because it is expected of you. If people really care about you they will support you, they might be confused, but they should understand if there really your friends. Don't be afraid to be different your just changing into the person your meant to be not the one everyone wants you to be. If you really want control of your life it is one of few things that you control in your life that is not imaginary is the choice to live with, while living unhappy. Chose a harmful way to get out of it, or to rebel but only you can decide no one else can make this decision for you have to live with the consequences. Therefore control really is imaginary because people would be unhappy, or let it escalate to violence before becoming different. People are afraid to be different because when you were little you were taught to stay away from these people. We do not want to become the person were told to stay away from so we ostracize them so they will stay away, and we won't become like them. But people do not realize by not being like everyone else they actually have more options, and are not controlled by the norms of society that tell children they should stay away from these people.


End file.
